Chargers fever continues to burn in San Diego and after last weeks Chargers win, I had to do this list. Sproles was spectacular in Saturday's playoff win over the Colts. The list was well received, but over the last three weeks, it has not been as much fun, at least for me. I am starting to feel the strain that the layoffs at XX1090 have put on the staff.... I will give it a few more weeks to see if things improve and decide how to proceed, I am thinking of perhaps having the list be event driven, rather then every Wednesday. Probably will discuss this with Scott & BR in the near future.
Top 10 reasons Chargers should resign Darren Sproles ----> Click Here To Listen.
10) Its a bird, its a plane.... its SuperSproles
9) He can deliver the OJ's pizza faster then LT
8) He can leap tall lineman in a single bound
7) He can also be used as a pinch runner for the Padres in the off season
6) He doesn't do interviews, but his running is loud and clear
5) He is the only back small enough to run through the tiny holes our OL opens
4) Marty said the rest of him is very big
3) He doesn't always drink beer but when he does its Coors Light
2) He has not gone through his growth spurt yet
And the # 1 reason Chargers should resign Sproles....
1) Sproles is big enough to take a cab home when out drinking until 2:00 am
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Top 10 reasons Plaxico Burress shot himself
This week was a lot of fun. I put the topic and a few of the reasons Plaxico shot himself up on the great friend forum in the Scott & BR website... The traffic on that website is anemic, but it still got some 120 views and at last check. Anyway I put up a poll for the great friends to vote on some of the reasons I was on the fence with.... The one that won made it as #10...
The show was also fun, but the producer called me the day before and wanted me to do it at 6:10 am, so I am sure a lot of the regular listeners missed it. Anyway here is the list as well as a few extras... Click here to listen to the show
10) He shot himself in self defense!
9) Coach Tom Coughlin told him...he better have a good excuse next time he needs to miss a team meeting…
8) He invested all 35 million dollars from his last contract in AIG and Lehman Brothers
7) He wants to be traded the Bengal's or Cowboys next year
6 ) Pac Man Jones double dared him to do it!
5) He and Antonio Pierce were sipping vodka cranberries, listening to Lil Wayne, and had hoochies grind them …the brother shot his load…
4) He was desperate for Eli Manning to pay attention to him
3) Rumor has it OJ had someone shoot him because he had stolen some of his memorabilia...
2) Every one should carry a gun for protection sometimes, all of the time, most of the time
1) He heard he was going to be traded to the chargers!
Here are the leftovers ....
He was practicing an end zone celebration dance
He bought the gun to go hunting with Dick Cheney
He was scratching a bad case of jock itch
He shot heself but he didn't shoot no deputy
T.O. was getting to much attention
He wanted to be called oucho cinquo
The show was also fun, but the producer called me the day before and wanted me to do it at 6:10 am, so I am sure a lot of the regular listeners missed it. Anyway here is the list as well as a few extras... Click here to listen to the show
10) He shot himself in self defense!
9) Coach Tom Coughlin told him...he better have a good excuse next time he needs to miss a team meeting…
8) He invested all 35 million dollars from his last contract in AIG and Lehman Brothers
7) He wants to be traded the Bengal's or Cowboys next year
6 ) Pac Man Jones double dared him to do it!
5) He and Antonio Pierce were sipping vodka cranberries, listening to Lil Wayne, and had hoochies grind them …the brother shot his load…
4) He was desperate for Eli Manning to pay attention to him
3) Rumor has it OJ had someone shoot him because he had stolen some of his memorabilia...
2) Every one should carry a gun for protection sometimes, all of the time, most of the time
1) He heard he was going to be traded to the chargers!
Here are the leftovers ....
He was practicing an end zone celebration dance
He bought the gun to go hunting with Dick Cheney
He was scratching a bad case of jock itch
He shot heself but he didn't shoot no deputy
T.O. was getting to much attention
He wanted to be called oucho cinquo
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Top 10 reasons Chargers lost the game
This was a fun week. The list was well received but I threw them a curve ball. As you know, if you are a regular listener to the show, Scott & BR always complain that my number 10 is better then my number one. So this time, after writing the list, I reversed the order. Well wouldn't you know it, they still liked the number 10 better. I'll let you imagine what that means, lol... Next week, I am pulling the order out of a hat...
Top 10 reasons Chargers lost the game
1) Trevor came in as a nickel back on the last play
2) Padres talent scouts were very impressed with Matt Wilhelm speed
3) Even Miss Teen South Carolina knows Norv is going to run LT on first down
4) Cromartie should try getting one interception before thinking of the NFL record
5) Winning did not work to get a new stadium, so now they are trying out a new strategy
6) Wanted to show solidarity with the Padres and Aztecs
7) Eric Wedle might be shorter then Bob Costas
8) Meriman insistence on playing with a bum knee
9) Norv Turner genius play calling on 1st downs
And the number on reason Chargers lost the game
10) Ted Cotrell bend over and hand over the lube defense
Click here to listen to the radio show.
Top 10 reasons Chargers lost the game
1) Trevor came in as a nickel back on the last play
2) Padres talent scouts were very impressed with Matt Wilhelm speed
3) Even Miss Teen South Carolina knows Norv is going to run LT on first down
4) Cromartie should try getting one interception before thinking of the NFL record
5) Winning did not work to get a new stadium, so now they are trying out a new strategy
6) Wanted to show solidarity with the Padres and Aztecs
7) Eric Wedle might be shorter then Bob Costas
8) Meriman insistence on playing with a bum knee
9) Norv Turner genius play calling on 1st downs
And the number on reason Chargers lost the game
10) Ted Cotrell bend over and hand over the lube defense
Click here to listen to the radio show.
Top 10 reasons I had more fun going to the Del Mar races then going to Petco
Wednesday was the last day of the races at Del Mar, so I thought it apropos to do something on horse racing. I truly enjoy going to the races, its a beautiful setting and this year, I even won an $84 exacta. In addition my wife and I go there every year at the Turf Club, we bid on that at the charity dinner at our kids school and always end up getting it... I always tell my wife its for a good cause. So here it is, and if you prefer to listen to it click on the link below the list.
Top 10 reasons I had more fun going to the Del mar races then going to Petco
10) The Padres suck
9) At Petco you can’t bet on the guy rounding third and heading for home plate
8) Better looking hats
7) they don’t stop serving beer after the seventh race
6) You can’t whip the players to make them run faster
5) Gorgeous women with tanned legs, in short summer dresses
4) You were virtually assured to make money if you bet on a GFS horse
3) You are likely to run into Scott tearing up his betting tickets
2) If a horse gets hurt, you can put him down
1) There was actual speed on the field
I am having a tough time uploading this week's mp3 of the radio show, but I will continue to try...
Top 10 reasons I had more fun going to the Del mar races then going to Petco
10) The Padres suck
9) At Petco you can’t bet on the guy rounding third and heading for home plate
8) Better looking hats
7) they don’t stop serving beer after the seventh race
6) You can’t whip the players to make them run faster
5) Gorgeous women with tanned legs, in short summer dresses
4) You were virtually assured to make money if you bet on a GFS horse
3) You are likely to run into Scott tearing up his betting tickets
2) If a horse gets hurt, you can put him down
1) There was actual speed on the field
I am having a tough time uploading this week's mp3 of the radio show, but I will continue to try...
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Top 10 reasons moneyball is not working for the Padres
This was very exiting this week... It was a first... This topic was the first topic I did that was suggested by a listener to the show. His name is Tom, and he is actually very well versed on the topic and has a wicked sense of humor. He is the only person I know that actually read the money ball book. So thank you Tom... Here is the list...
Top 10 reasons Moneyball is not working for the Padres
10) Sandy and Paul mis-remembered what the computer said, it predicted 90 losses not 90 wins….
9) The bash brothers Dan Mcguire and Jose Canseco retired
8) Padres money ball formula: 1000 strikeouts + no team speed = 100 team losses
7) There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and Padres front office moneyball stats
6) In money ball, looking at strike one, strike two, strike 3, means having plate discipline.
5) Looking at strike 1, strike 2, and a swing and a miss for strike 3 means being patiently aggressive
4) http://www.advancedscouts.com/ predicts Padres will lose 100 games this season
3)BALCO and Victor Conte were big sponsors of moneyball in Oakland
2) Padres money ball players have 5 tools. High SO’s, no speed, Power with no one on base, low BA, and most importantly cheap to sign
And the number 1 reason Moneyball is not working for the Padres
1) Becky plays the only real money ball in the organization. She’s got John by the balls and she gets ½ his money
Alternate: Padres should've built training facility in Jamaica not Dominican republic
I ended up using the alternate instead of the Canceco. I was glad, since it was very well received. Like an idiot I forgot to mention Tom's name. I had asked Tom if I could mention his name, he had said ok but only after I did the top 10... Well, when I finished the top 10 Scott through me a curve, by making me repeat the #1 reason and it rattled me enough to forget to mention Tom's name.. I will do it next week.
Take a listen to the show...
Top 10 reasons Moneyball is not working for the Padres
10) Sandy and Paul mis-remembered what the computer said, it predicted 90 losses not 90 wins….
9) The bash brothers Dan Mcguire and Jose Canseco retired
8) Padres money ball formula: 1000 strikeouts + no team speed = 100 team losses
7) There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and Padres front office moneyball stats
6) In money ball, looking at strike one, strike two, strike 3, means having plate discipline.
5) Looking at strike 1, strike 2, and a swing and a miss for strike 3 means being patiently aggressive
4) http://www.advancedscouts.com/ predicts Padres will lose 100 games this season
3)BALCO and Victor Conte were big sponsors of moneyball in Oakland
2) Padres money ball players have 5 tools. High SO’s, no speed, Power with no one on base, low BA, and most importantly cheap to sign
And the number 1 reason Moneyball is not working for the Padres
1) Becky plays the only real money ball in the organization. She’s got John by the balls and she gets ½ his money
Alternate: Padres should've built training facility in Jamaica not Dominican republic
I ended up using the alternate instead of the Canceco. I was glad, since it was very well received. Like an idiot I forgot to mention Tom's name. I had asked Tom if I could mention his name, he had said ok but only after I did the top 10... Well, when I finished the top 10 Scott through me a curve, by making me repeat the #1 reason and it rattled me enough to forget to mention Tom's name.. I will do it next week.
Take a listen to the show...
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Top 10 ways to increase attendance at Petco
I haven't updated the blog for a while... But you haven't missed much. In addition to being preempted by Jim Lampley two weeks ago, imagine that zino being preempted by Jim lampley, lol, I took a week of last week... The Padres remain an endless source of material for me, so for this week I decided to do the "Top 10 ways to increase attendance at Petco". Here is the list....
10) Give our catchers a slingshot to throw out runners
9) Hooters restaurant inside Petco
8) Offer a gallon a gas with every hot dog purchase
7) Borrow the Chargers cheerleaders to lead the 7th inning stretch
6) Have Marty streak naked through the stadium
5) Add a $1/ball dunk tank with Sandy Alderson on the hot chair
4) Field an all Gonzales lineup
3) Resign Brocail, Blum, and Cameron
2) Padres players need to stop catching the ball with their faces
And the number one way to increase attendance at Petco is…
1) Let the fans vote who should get the owner’s box, Becky or John
Alternate: Free beer every time we steel a base
Alternate: Let a real baseball team like the Angels play at Petco
I ended up replacing number (2) with the second alternate. The show went very well and there was a lot of banter with Scott & BR. This is still a lot of fun, so I plan on doing it again next week. Again, any blog reader, please jump in with suggestions for top 10 lists... Take a listen to the show.
10) Give our catchers a slingshot to throw out runners
9) Hooters restaurant inside Petco
8) Offer a gallon a gas with every hot dog purchase
7) Borrow the Chargers cheerleaders to lead the 7th inning stretch
6) Have Marty streak naked through the stadium
5) Add a $1/ball dunk tank with Sandy Alderson on the hot chair
4) Field an all Gonzales lineup
3) Resign Brocail, Blum, and Cameron
2) Padres players need to stop catching the ball with their faces
And the number one way to increase attendance at Petco is…
1) Let the fans vote who should get the owner’s box, Becky or John
Alternate: Free beer every time we steel a base
Alternate: Let a real baseball team like the Angels play at Petco
I ended up replacing number (2) with the second alternate. The show went very well and there was a lot of banter with Scott & BR. This is still a lot of fun, so I plan on doing it again next week. Again, any blog reader, please jump in with suggestions for top 10 lists... Take a listen to the show.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Top 10 reasons Obama will choose Hillary as his running mate
I've had this list for a while, it kept getting bumped by other lists. Last week, the people spoke and by an overwhelming vote ( I think 6 people voted, including me, lol) chose this topic...
Top 10 reasons Obama will choose Hillary as his running mate:
10) Chelsey wants to be a white house intern if her Mom gets the job
9) In case of an attempt on his life, Hillary will draw all the sniper fire.
8) She is not Dick Cheney
7) Bill won’t spend anytime in DC while Hillary is there
6) Reverend Wright recommended her
5) She has pictures of him inhaling
4) He wants to see a cat fight between Michelle and Hillary
3) He will always look good standing next to her
2) Hillary makes a really good fried chicken with collard green
And the number one reason Obama will choose Hillary as his running mate …
1) They both believe that... Ebony and Ivory can live together in perfect harmony…
The blog readers get an advantage over just listening on the radio... Here are a few extras that didn't make the cut... I was partial to the cattle futures contracts one but I am not sure people would still remember, my other favorite one was the blue dress but it didn't make the cut because I had done a similar one on a previous list on Hillary.
Bonus
Michelle wants her advice on how to keep the interns and bimbo’s away
Hillary knows how to make money trading cattle futures contracts
Hillary knows her way around the white house kitchen
She has a blue dress that he really likes….
She reminds him of his mother
He always wanted to have a Menage a trois
Anyway, the show went great, I can interact with them so much better when they are in studio... When they go on location, I have difficulties hearing. Scott really wanted to hear my bit on Trevor Hoffman but I did not have it printed, so I would have had to turn on the computer etc..., and it would have taken to long. I thought the bit was very funny including the parody on the Fuzzy Zeller / Tiger Wood controversy of a few years back. Scott & BR immediately got it which was good, otherwise it could have been misinterpreted. Take a listen, it was a fun one...
Top 10 reasons Obama will choose Hillary as his running mate:
10) Chelsey wants to be a white house intern if her Mom gets the job
9) In case of an attempt on his life, Hillary will draw all the sniper fire.
8) She is not Dick Cheney
7) Bill won’t spend anytime in DC while Hillary is there
6) Reverend Wright recommended her
5) She has pictures of him inhaling
4) He wants to see a cat fight between Michelle and Hillary
3) He will always look good standing next to her
2) Hillary makes a really good fried chicken with collard green
And the number one reason Obama will choose Hillary as his running mate …
1) They both believe that... Ebony and Ivory can live together in perfect harmony…
The blog readers get an advantage over just listening on the radio... Here are a few extras that didn't make the cut... I was partial to the cattle futures contracts one but I am not sure people would still remember, my other favorite one was the blue dress but it didn't make the cut because I had done a similar one on a previous list on Hillary.
Bonus
Michelle wants her advice on how to keep the interns and bimbo’s away
Hillary knows how to make money trading cattle futures contracts
Hillary knows her way around the white house kitchen
She has a blue dress that he really likes….
She reminds him of his mother
He always wanted to have a Menage a trois
Anyway, the show went great, I can interact with them so much better when they are in studio... When they go on location, I have difficulties hearing. Scott really wanted to hear my bit on Trevor Hoffman but I did not have it printed, so I would have had to turn on the computer etc..., and it would have taken to long. I thought the bit was very funny including the parody on the Fuzzy Zeller / Tiger Wood controversy of a few years back. Scott & BR immediately got it which was good, otherwise it could have been misinterpreted. Take a listen, it was a fun one...
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Top 10 reasons US Open officials paired Tiger and Phil in the first 2 rounds
I had two lists this week, the first one was "Reasons why Obama should chose Hillary as his running mate". The other was about the US Open and I started working on it, literally the day before, and because Scott & BR were broadcasting from the Open, I ended up going with it. There was really no big controversies about the Open, the pairing of Tiger and Phil was the closest thing that I could come up with. Here is the list...
Top 10 reasons US Open officials paired Tiger and Phil in the first 2 rounds
10) Give Phil another chance to make fun of tiger's equipment
9) It's the only way Phil will get paired up with woods during the open
8) Keep up the interest of the fickle San Diego fans
7) No one cares about any of the other golfers
6) They had so much success playing together in the Ryder cup
5) ESPN doesn't have enough golf analysts to follow them separately
4) It's the only way Chris Berman agreed not to use their nicknames on the air.
(here I wanted Scott or BR to ask what the nicknames are)..Tiger "got some" Wood and Phil "my tank" Mickelson
3) No need for audio equipment to pick up conversations. They hate each other
2) ESPN wants fans to text vote for their favorite blond wife
And the number one reason US Open officials paired Tiger and Phil is...
1) So that Phil can get some tips on how to play the 18th hole at the US open.
The bit went over very well and everyone was happy with it except for me... I did not sound right, when I laughed it sounded like a Hyena and for whatever reasons, I could not hear them very well, so I missed a couple of marks... But I think the list itself saved the day. Take a listen...
Top 10 reasons US Open officials paired Tiger and Phil in the first 2 rounds
10) Give Phil another chance to make fun of tiger's equipment
9) It's the only way Phil will get paired up with woods during the open
8) Keep up the interest of the fickle San Diego fans
7) No one cares about any of the other golfers
6) They had so much success playing together in the Ryder cup
5) ESPN doesn't have enough golf analysts to follow them separately
4) It's the only way Chris Berman agreed not to use their nicknames on the air.
(here I wanted Scott or BR to ask what the nicknames are)..Tiger "got some" Wood and Phil "my tank" Mickelson
3) No need for audio equipment to pick up conversations. They hate each other
2) ESPN wants fans to text vote for their favorite blond wife
And the number one reason US Open officials paired Tiger and Phil is...
1) So that Phil can get some tips on how to play the 18th hole at the US open.
The bit went over very well and everyone was happy with it except for me... I did not sound right, when I laughed it sounded like a Hyena and for whatever reasons, I could not hear them very well, so I missed a couple of marks... But I think the list itself saved the day. Take a listen...
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